Homeschool Memories: The Art of Fine Dining


During our high school years when we were homeschooled we joined a group where we engaged in creative writing and some acting. I’ve talked about the acting here, but I thought I would share some of the writing I did.

Since my food allergies/intolerances got out of control we have rarely eaten out. Now, since I’ve gotten a bit better and with an additional job we have a little more leeway in the budget and I’ve gotten a bit more brave about venturing to a restaurant. Recent experiences reminded me of the following piece.

The Art of Fine Dining

Today I’m going to give you some suggestions on how to eat out elegantly. The following instructions should be followed closely if you would like to get the most out of your evening.

First, make sure you have had a long, active day. This will give you a good appetite and a good appetite is the best sauce for a meal! Then wait until you are genuinely hungry–at least an hour past your usual meal time. The rumbling of the stomach should be a good indication. Next, choose a crowded restaurant where you will have at least a 15 minute wait for a table. It may not be easy to follow this next suggestion, but for an unforgettable evening, request a table with a waiter/waitress in training who is on their own for the first time. They would need to be slow and somewhat clumsy. This ensures that you will have a decent waiting period before you have to order and another half-hour or so to anticipate your meal and enjoy the entertainment. Your entertainment will include watching your waitperson try to carry four plates of food to the table behind you and in the process drop one of the plates. Additionally at your table you will hear one of your fellow diners exclaim, “I will be an old man before my dinner gets here!” Don’t forget to hold your breath when the waitperson finally comes with your dinner and then breath a sign of relief when he makes it safely. Then when the waitperson thinks he is safe, you can call them back to point out that he left half of two dinners as well as a few minor items in the kitchen. (We won’t even go into his adding up of the bill!)

If you will carefully follow all of my hints, I guarantee you will have an unforgettable evening!


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